The pain of being in love | shakti’s blog

March 16, 2009

Written by Shakti: See below for post credits

My love

… Last night I dreamt that we were in a hotel room. In the dream we were 2 people so entangled together that one’s carbon dioxide becomes the other one’s oxygen. So subconsciously, the idea of separation and losing each other was attached to the feeling of death.

In the dream we had a fight and you were leaving the room, slamming the door behind you, telling me you weren’t coming back. I furiously run to the door to stop you from leaving but I couldn’t open the door from the inside. I was hitting the door with anger and devastation, asking you to open it from the outside but you were long gone. In my dream I couldn’t handle the idea of separating from you. I was flaming with pain and desolation and seeking revenge – to hurt you back.

When I woke up I was feeling the pain from the dream in my lower abdomen. My mind wandered to all the moments of pain and despair we went through in our times together, where only the thought of losing each other was enough to shatter us to pieces.

As an experiment, I lay down in bed and tried to capture the physical pain in my body that I had created with my disturbed emotions. It felt like I knew this pain very intimately inside and out. I searched my memory for the first time in my life when I had met with this incredible emotional pain — the same pain that has brought so many people throughout the history of love to the edge of insanity. A river of live pictures, of moments of pain, fears, emotional breakdowns, despair and the hopelessness of losing the “other one” gushed in front of my eyes. My investigating inner eyes continued their journey further back through the tunnel of my life. Here I am with my parents, me as a child, looking for their love, seeking their approval, asking for their acknowledgment. I say, “me as a child” but surprisingly I am seeing pictures of myself aiming for their recognition at much later stages of my life as a grown-up.

Interestingly enough, my internal eyes shifted from my personal movie to the biblical Garden of Eden. God removes his unconditional love from Eve and Adam and sends them away from his property, saying: “You disappointed me and I do not approve of you anymore.” The biblical story of the Eden exile represents the deepest emotional pain human beings feel in the form of rejection.

When we do not know ourselves as a complete existence, when we do not experience ourselves as an essence, we need external recognition to reflect back to us that we exist. We often choose the one we “fall in love with” by their ability to reflect to us our own existence. Unlike true love, the business of love is all about getting acknowledgement and recognition from “the other one.” Like in Garden of Eden, we turn our love subjects into our creators. We give them the power to create us through their approval of us.

This is why we feel that we disappear when our love subjects take their eyes off our appearance.
This is why we feel that we vanish when they remove their touch from our bodies.
This is why we feel that we evaporate when they take us out of their thoughts.
This is why we feel that we fade away when they take us out of their memories.
This is why we feel that we cease when they leave us…

When you hear the door slam and your heart doesn’t even blink…
Not because you don’t care or because you do not love anymore
But because your love is free of need,
This is when you know you are truly free.


Unconditional love?

There is no such thing as an unconditional love, unconditional love as opposed to what? Conditional love? If love is conditional then it is not love, it is business: it is manipulation, it is fear, it is ignorance.

Love by its very nature is unconditional. So saying unconditional love as is like saying wet water. When you experience love there are no conditions to base it on. The experience stands on its own, and depends neither on circumstances nor perceptions nor agendas.

All concepts have their opposites because this is the way the mind perceives reality. Love has no opposite as it happens outside of the mind. Hate is not the opposite of love. If love is the sun, our minds’ perceptions are the clouds. When the clouds block the sun, darkness in the form of hate may disguise reality. The sun never stops shining; it is just blocked by the clouds of our perception. So love cannot have an opposite, as it is never absent.

Love neither ends nor begins.
Love is not born and it does not die.
Namaste shakti

Inventory for Freedom and Love

  • Be free of the fear of rejection, be free of all attachments.
  • Open yourself to love with no ownership or agenda.
  • Be aware you cannot demand more from people than what they want to give you, or are able to give you.
  • Dance with people, instead of tying their legs to yours to ensure that they are not going to dance with somebody else.
  • Allow others to be who they are and experience what they need to experience. Their experiences will enrich yours instead of taking away from them.
  • If you love and enjoy others do not stop others from loving and enjoy them as well.
  • Instead of putting a ring on your beloved’s finger that will indicate the limited space you are going to give him/her from now on, place a string of fresh flowers on his/her head to indicate your support to his/her on ongoing blossoming.
  • Let go of all rules. Only the moment will dictate what is right and what is wrong.
  • Bravely unfold your colourful personality even if it doesn’t fit the frames people put you in.
  • Drink wine from time to time and socialize with sharp/brilliant/wild people.
  • Bring all of your wisdom, experiences and creativity into action to manifest an incredible, rich and content life.
  • Know and accept that it won’t always be easy to find other players who will be willing to take their foot off the brake and celebrate love and life through true freedom.
  • Do not settle into the known, the familiar and the safe. Never stop exploring within!
  • Remember that love does not have past tense. It may change forms and shapes but it always is.

From: The pain of being in love | shakti’s blog.

Thank you Shakti for this, it is beautiful. We need reminders once in a while, we need to remember to allow ourselves to be human, all-encompassing.


One Response to “The pain of being in love | shakti’s blog”

  1. Dario said

    Me piase.
    For a moment I thought that you wrote this.

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