November 5, 2009

It was 3 in the afternoon and I was outside in the brisk air when a flash suddenly entered my mind and I just as quickly dismissed it. 5pm I was sitting across a table staring at my grief stricken and confused husband when the thought, the urge the desire arose again out of the depths of my heart evading all rational thinking. There and then, over empty teacups I let it emerge into the space between us: Why don’t we stay the night at some hot springs? I didn’t know if it made sense but it was all I could want in that moment; an escape?

When the couple in front of us received an amazing display of hot chocolate, whipped cream and probably cute little sprinkles and advanced to taking romantic snapshots of themselves- we said yes!

Yes to daring, yes to following the heart no matter what it tells me, yes to choosing not to be a victim, yes to an empowered life. Isn’t that what we save for, plan our lives so dedicatedly for? For those un-planned events. Sometimes unexpectedness can (and in my opinion should be) irrational good things from the heart. How many desires are quelled on those little impulse buys- a chocolate bar here, a pair of shoes there? So little in fact that your rational mind doesn’t protest too much. But what do you really want underneath all of the little pacifying pleasures? A big move? Something adventurous, fresh, relaxing, enlivening?

After our 24 hour vacation, I wondered, was I trying to escape from a horrible reality that I am in? The answer was resoundingly no. I needed empowerment over my life, a remembering that this is the life I choose and how I choose to live it and that every moment I am making those choices whether difficult to sustain or enjoyable.

And so are you whether or not you want to admit it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: